Authenticity

So, among the more pointless notions that have been flying around this Presidential election is "authenticity". You can't define, but like leadership, charisma, or pornography, you know it when you see it. Authenticity is the opposite of being a phony, I suppose. Huckabee apparently is authentic. Romney and Clinton are not--they would like to make this election about competence, but when have the voters ever cared about that? The shift away from leadership to authenticity is bad news for Giuliani, who was supposed to have leadership, but is apparently deficient in authenticity.

It's the latest non-qualification that people covering the Presidential election have focused on. Unlike say policy (and I really would like to know who has a better plan to reform health care, and by better I mean works better for me) which requires knowledge and can appear to be boring, anyone can comment on things like authenticity.

Here's the thing. I'm the most authentic person you'll ever meet. I may be obnoxious, I may not be the most diplomatic person you'll ever meet, but I'm authentic. It's my new excuse for being what used to be called a jerk. On that basis, I should be President. If Congress came to me with a bill I didn't like, I'd go on national tv and tell them to stick it up their collective asses. Whenever I made a speech, there would be jokes. Not necessarily funny jokes, but jokes. I'd call myself out whenever I found myself doing something for show. There'd be no need to parse when I was President. I'd be authentic.

On the campaign trail, you'd see me eating wings and drinking beer--but not crappy beer--I prefer fancy micro brew beer (now called "craft" beer). That's part of my authenticity. Since I'm a Democrat, and I wouldn't win Texas anyway, I'd talk about how much I despise the Cowboys. I'd complain about how the Phillies are run (and I'd promise if I were elected President to do something about it).

Does any of that qualify me to be President?